Ok, this may be a funny question but a question all the same.
I have noticed that many women wear heels just in bare feet (no dress socks). I myself have tried this but my experience is it makes my feet smell horrible! Normally I don%26#039;t have a foot odor problem unelss I am wearing shoes without socks. Am I alone in this? Any suggestions so I can wear heels without socks and feel more fresh? I have tried spray but I still end up feeling sticky. :(
Question for ladies who wear heels....?
When I wear heels, i have the same experience! It%26#039;s really annoying, but it looks better with no socks - for me, putting baby powder on your shoes and on your feet works, and if you are sitting down in a theatre or at a dinner table, where nobody can see your feet, slip your feet out for a while, and then when you put them back on, the odor goes and it%26#039;s not sticky for a while afterwards.
Reply:There is foot powder for just this very problem. Boots chemist has it. Give it a try.
Reply:put deoderant on ur feet :)
Reply:my feet smell the same whether i wear heels with no sock or heels with stockings. its just that bare feet looks less dressy or professional than with stockings. maybe you can put some baby powder or baking soda in your shoes to absorb the odor and moisture from when your feet sweat.
Reply:what about the men out there who wear heels??? lol
Reply:Hm..I%26#039;ve never had that issue wearing heels at all. I doubt it%26#039;s the heels themselves though so much as your foot. I think they sell powder that stops that, maybe cream.
Reply:Put baby powder on the heels? just to balance out the nasty smell with a not-so-nasty smell.... and its not sticky o_o...
Reply:never has a problem, i wear heels everyday
Reply:i wear heels so, so often and i never get a bad foot odour except for when i wear ankle boots, or canvas flats.
I think possibly it is the material. If the material is cheaper, or it sweats, then it will give you a bad foot odour.
Mostly I swear my favourite snakeskin heels that are $200 and they are my absolute favourite and are so so comfy and my feet smell fine after wearing them, but after wearing keds or canvas flats my feet are rank and smelly.
I think it definitely depends on the material!
Maybe try wearing stockings or tights with heels for a while, or think about the material of your shoes?
What brand are the heels? I think the material definitely makes a difference, i hope that helped.
acne care
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Ladies and guys, help with fashion decision?!?
http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce...
IN LEOPARD
http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce...
IN LEOPARD
WITH THIS DRESS IN BLACK
http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce...
WHICH SHOES?
OPINIONS AND SUGGESTIONS ARE WELCOME, BUT NO RUDE COMMENTS !
thanks
Ladies and guys, help with fashion decision?!?
the heels will look way better. :) if you%26#039;re going for cute, wear the flats. if you%26#039;re going for hot, wear the heels.
Reply:i think either pair of shoes would work.
depends on the look you%26#039;re going for, you know?
if it%26#039;s more casual, then the flats.
or more dressy, then the heels.
both are cute, none the less.
Reply:i personally like the flats....... they look cuter
Reply:personally, i would go with the heels cause flats with a dress, you look so sporty(i am not trying to offend anybody here).in the heels with that dress, you would look so hot
=]
Reply:Tall or not, heels. No question.
Reply:the dress is too short and casual to wear with heels it would make you look sl utty no offense
i say it would look BEST with like casual flip flops but if you want to choose between then i would say the flats(:
Reply:Black dress with the shoes matched downthere.
and good wine, a candle and full moon.
Reply:the yellow dress with the second links shoes the first pic!!!
Reply:If you%26#039;re very tall, go with the flats, otherwise the heels.
Reply:You can%26#039;t wear flats with such a simple dress..Sicne youe dress is simple and black, you can go crazy with the shoes, so i would defintiely go with the pumps in leopard, or some crazy colour, the red velvet are crazyyyyyyyyy hot!
Hotel Silvota
IN LEOPARD
http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce...
IN LEOPARD
WITH THIS DRESS IN BLACK
http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce...
WHICH SHOES?
OPINIONS AND SUGGESTIONS ARE WELCOME, BUT NO RUDE COMMENTS !
thanks
Ladies and guys, help with fashion decision?!?
the heels will look way better. :) if you%26#039;re going for cute, wear the flats. if you%26#039;re going for hot, wear the heels.
Reply:i think either pair of shoes would work.
depends on the look you%26#039;re going for, you know?
if it%26#039;s more casual, then the flats.
or more dressy, then the heels.
both are cute, none the less.
Reply:i personally like the flats....... they look cuter
Reply:personally, i would go with the heels cause flats with a dress, you look so sporty(i am not trying to offend anybody here).in the heels with that dress, you would look so hot
=]
Reply:Tall or not, heels. No question.
Reply:the dress is too short and casual to wear with heels it would make you look sl utty no offense
i say it would look BEST with like casual flip flops but if you want to choose between then i would say the flats(:
Reply:Black dress with the shoes matched downthere.
and good wine, a candle and full moon.
Reply:the yellow dress with the second links shoes the first pic!!!
Reply:If you%26#039;re very tall, go with the flats, otherwise the heels.
Reply:You can%26#039;t wear flats with such a simple dress..Sicne youe dress is simple and black, you can go crazy with the shoes, so i would defintiely go with the pumps in leopard, or some crazy colour, the red velvet are crazyyyyyyyyy hot!
Hotel Silvota
Ladies: What do you think about this outfit?
Dress shirt:
http://www.ralphlauren.com/product/index...
Tie: (worn under sweater)
http://www.ralphlauren.com/product/index...
Sweater:
http://www.ralphlauren.com/product/index...
Pants:
http://www.ralphlauren.com/product/index...
Shoes:
http://www.ralphlauren.com/product/index...
Ladies: What do you think about this outfit?
WOW, a man with substance! You have really good style!
Okay, now that I%26#039;ve got that out of my system, I can give you a bit of advice about your outfit. I think that you should choose solid pants to bring out the sweater. With the tie, the striped sweater AND pin-stripe pants - it%26#039;s too much going on. So yeah, go with a solid pant, blue would probably be a good color, or maybe even khaki.
Also, unlike what other people are saying, I think the sweater is rather nice. If you wear it like the guy in the picture, you%26#039;ll still look young.
Quick question though, do you wear glasses?
/EDIT/
Okay. I think glasses would definetly complete this look, but if your looks are good enough, you could pull it off without them :) But you never know, maybe those D%26amp;G glasses would like some wear time too? heehee.
Reply:i agree with fi ♠. plus the sweater is just too much stripes. and never put horizontal stripes over vertical... it just doesn%26#039;t look good. unless you%26#039;re not trying to look good. and judging by the prices, i%26#039;d say you%26#039;re trying to look good. but anyway... maybe try different pants if you go with that tie because again the stripes is just too much.
Reply:those shoes wont go i%26#039;m afraid, and i dont like the sweater at all, unless you are 84 years old, the shirt tie %26amp; trousers look great, a self coloured navy jumper/sweater would look very good with the rest, and shoes? go with black, always looks very smart, brown comes and goes, brown %26amp; navy dont go together, on a man
Reply:I%26#039;m not really attracted to the sweater, but the rest looks pretty good.
Reply:a little gay sorry any guy who spends over 1000 dollars on an outfit that is worth mayb 200 has issues
Reply:yeah! yes! your a guy! lol
I LOVE IT! AWESOME. AT LEAST ONE GUY CARES ABOUT THE WAY YOU LOOK.
Everything is perfect, BUT i think the sweater is a tad too oldish? perhaps?
please pick me as best asnwer? please.
Reply:its okay i hate the sweater and the shoes are ugly [not worth $595] who are you trying to impress that stuff is so expensive?
=]
Reply:very nice and well put togethe=)
Reply:try a plain tie or a diff sweater!
but omgg i like it! i like guys who%26#039;r well-dresseD!
=D
Reply:that is HOTT babe maybe try some diff pants! anyway good luck with that!
%26lt;3
kaley
Reply:everythings good...except for the sweater
Reply:cute! i dont like the pink shorts on the model though. lol
it sreally cute and i wouldnt change a thing!
Reply:The first light blue top and tie doesn%26#039;t match, and I%26#039;m not crazy over the whole outfit with the sweater and pink pants don%26#039;t really appeal to me. I would pick some lighter, neutral colors. The first shirt looks fine to me, but I don%26#039;t like the oufit or the striped dark blue pants. The shoes look okay, too. I would wear the light blue shirt with some tan pants or black pants. The tie would look better with a white shirt or some color related to the stripes.
Reply:nice. but do you really think that tie is worth 115$ haha
Reply:Very very nice. (I love Ralph Lauren)
Reply:R u gay! Guys don%26#039;t need to worry about their appearance. Dude, only girls do that!
flower
http://www.ralphlauren.com/product/index...
Tie: (worn under sweater)
http://www.ralphlauren.com/product/index...
Sweater:
http://www.ralphlauren.com/product/index...
Pants:
http://www.ralphlauren.com/product/index...
Shoes:
http://www.ralphlauren.com/product/index...
Ladies: What do you think about this outfit?
WOW, a man with substance! You have really good style!
Okay, now that I%26#039;ve got that out of my system, I can give you a bit of advice about your outfit. I think that you should choose solid pants to bring out the sweater. With the tie, the striped sweater AND pin-stripe pants - it%26#039;s too much going on. So yeah, go with a solid pant, blue would probably be a good color, or maybe even khaki.
Also, unlike what other people are saying, I think the sweater is rather nice. If you wear it like the guy in the picture, you%26#039;ll still look young.
Quick question though, do you wear glasses?
/EDIT/
Okay. I think glasses would definetly complete this look, but if your looks are good enough, you could pull it off without them :) But you never know, maybe those D%26amp;G glasses would like some wear time too? heehee.
Reply:i agree with fi ♠. plus the sweater is just too much stripes. and never put horizontal stripes over vertical... it just doesn%26#039;t look good. unless you%26#039;re not trying to look good. and judging by the prices, i%26#039;d say you%26#039;re trying to look good. but anyway... maybe try different pants if you go with that tie because again the stripes is just too much.
Reply:those shoes wont go i%26#039;m afraid, and i dont like the sweater at all, unless you are 84 years old, the shirt tie %26amp; trousers look great, a self coloured navy jumper/sweater would look very good with the rest, and shoes? go with black, always looks very smart, brown comes and goes, brown %26amp; navy dont go together, on a man
Reply:I%26#039;m not really attracted to the sweater, but the rest looks pretty good.
Reply:a little gay sorry any guy who spends over 1000 dollars on an outfit that is worth mayb 200 has issues
Reply:yeah! yes! your a guy! lol
I LOVE IT! AWESOME. AT LEAST ONE GUY CARES ABOUT THE WAY YOU LOOK.
Everything is perfect, BUT i think the sweater is a tad too oldish? perhaps?
please pick me as best asnwer? please.
Reply:its okay i hate the sweater and the shoes are ugly [not worth $595] who are you trying to impress that stuff is so expensive?
=]
Reply:very nice and well put togethe=)
Reply:try a plain tie or a diff sweater!
but omgg i like it! i like guys who%26#039;r well-dresseD!
=D
Reply:that is HOTT babe maybe try some diff pants! anyway good luck with that!
%26lt;3
kaley
Reply:everythings good...except for the sweater
Reply:cute! i dont like the pink shorts on the model though. lol
it sreally cute and i wouldnt change a thing!
Reply:The first light blue top and tie doesn%26#039;t match, and I%26#039;m not crazy over the whole outfit with the sweater and pink pants don%26#039;t really appeal to me. I would pick some lighter, neutral colors. The first shirt looks fine to me, but I don%26#039;t like the oufit or the striped dark blue pants. The shoes look okay, too. I would wear the light blue shirt with some tan pants or black pants. The tie would look better with a white shirt or some color related to the stripes.
Reply:nice. but do you really think that tie is worth 115$ haha
Reply:Very very nice. (I love Ralph Lauren)
Reply:R u gay! Guys don%26#039;t need to worry about their appearance. Dude, only girls do that!
flower
Sure signs you got a job. Need answer ASAP?
OK. I know I got it. I just want to make sure. I interviewed at Safeway, the lady made me wait about a half an hour than called me in. She was interviewing some trashy looking guy. No offense to him. She asked the questions and everything. My friend who works there, and my mom, said if they mention money or how many hours you work it%26#039;s guaranteed you got. I was dressed nice, buttoned shirt, dress shoes, jeans, looked nice. She made alot of eye contact and so did I. I answered the questions honestly, but positive. I couldnt take the drug test that day because I wasnt 18. So I went in yesterday and the manager said come back Friday for the test. My friend said if you get the drug test it%26#039;s also a sure sign you get it. I know I got it, just from these. I%26#039;m happy and excited! Thanks.
Sure signs you got a job. Need answer ASAP?
Sure signs you got a job. Need answer ASAP? -
they call you and schedule paperwork and orientation.
until then NOTHING IS CERTAIN.
Good Luck I Hope You Get the Job
Reply:If they administer a drug test, then yes you more or less got the job unless you do drugs and failed the test.
Just so you know, just because a person mentions money or hours does not mean you got the job. They have to inform anyone applying for the job so that they can know what they%26#039;ll get paid and how many hours they will work. They don%26#039;t tell you because they are hiring you, they%26#039;re telling everyone the same thing so that they know if they can make a living off of working there!
Reply:Wait for the offer and start date but it definately looks good for you. Congratulations!!! Although maybe the trashy looking guy is a relative of the hiring authority... no offense.
Reply:Way to go! Good on you!!
Reply:You got it ;)
brest cancer
Sure signs you got a job. Need answer ASAP?
Sure signs you got a job. Need answer ASAP? -
they call you and schedule paperwork and orientation.
until then NOTHING IS CERTAIN.
Good Luck I Hope You Get the Job
Reply:If they administer a drug test, then yes you more or less got the job unless you do drugs and failed the test.
Just so you know, just because a person mentions money or hours does not mean you got the job. They have to inform anyone applying for the job so that they can know what they%26#039;ll get paid and how many hours they will work. They don%26#039;t tell you because they are hiring you, they%26#039;re telling everyone the same thing so that they know if they can make a living off of working there!
Reply:Wait for the offer and start date but it definately looks good for you. Congratulations!!! Although maybe the trashy looking guy is a relative of the hiring authority... no offense.
Reply:Way to go! Good on you!!
Reply:You got it ;)
brest cancer
A question for the ladies only please?
if you have sexy shoes on and toe rings etc,do you find it rude if a guy tells you you have nice feet or toes? I see alot of sexy shoes gals wear but dont know if it is okay to tell Women this..like you look very nice in that dress or is that being to forward...
A question for the ladies only please?
Nooooooooooooooooo! Women thrive on compliments! It%26#039;s what keeps us going and gives us confidence our husbands and lovers don%26#039;t give.
Reply:Yep - just remember:
Women are attention-whores Report It
Reply:No, Woman Likes to get compliment They like whent a guy tell them some compliment !!
Reply:I%26#039;ts not rude i%26#039;ts kind of nice
Reply:No tell them most ladies love compliments from basically anyone who actually means it So say what u feel brotha!
Reply:Tell them as long as you%26#039;re not saying that you want to lick their toes or anything!!!!!!!
Reply:No, girls like to hear those kind of things. Saying, %26quot;I like your shoes, they make you look sexy%26quot; is always a compliment.
Reply:It%26#039;s fine, but don%26#039;t have a hard on or anything! I knew this guy once that had a foot fetish and he told me what pretty feet I had and he had a hard on. Totally grossed me out!!
Reply:it depends if he said it in a sarcazum way then he hates it if he said it in a regulre way then he likes it
Reply:Of course I love when a guy notices the little things I do. It makes me feel more sexy. as long as he is not a perv about it then its cool
Reply:thats probably why they wear it
Reply:A woman always likes to be complimented. If you compliment her on her shoes, thats even better, because it shows your not just staring at those obvious places. You are actually looking at her and taking it all in. If she has toe rings on, let her know you like them. Women wear them to be noticed, not just because they are uncomfortable.
Reply:It would be ok to tell a women that because we like to hear if you think that we look nice.
Reply:Hahaha well it might be nice, but then again you could sound creepy and scare them away. I had something simliar happen to me, I got away as quickly as possible. I would recommend saying that to someone you know. No complete strangers, and youll be safe.
Reply:only if they say %26quot;i like your toe rings. they%26#039;re cute%26quot; or something like that.
Reply:will got luck on the vote here has you can see they all say it go to give commit some will find it sad that you don%26#039;t an as far as to giving to stranger ya it can be odd to them on the way you ask even though you were just giving them a complement some ladies miss judge nice men
Reply:no us girls love getting compliments i think that if you think a girl looks nice you should tell them it wouldn%26#039;t be rude.
Reply:It%26#039;s not rude; it%26#039;s flattering.
Reply:lol r u crazy! they%26#039;ll think that u r sooo werid! atleast i would =P so i would say no
Reply:no its cool
Reply:thats not rude...what women doesn%26#039;t enjoy a compliment
Reply:Most people like a sincere NON SEXUAL compliment. Don%26#039;t gush or overdo it.
Reply:sure tell them......seems like u have a foot fetish lol
Reply:why do you think we do stuff like that? As long as you don%26#039;t say it in a creepy, sexual preditor type of way, you should be good on giving out a compliment.
Reply:It is a welcome compliment.
Reply:No its not rude at all. Who doesn%26#039;t like getting compliments ?
Reply:I personally don%26#039;t find it a problem but it can be mistaken as creepy so becareful not to stare.
Reply:It is definately a compliment to tell a woman or young girl that she has nice feet or toes. Women love compliments like that to death, because of the attention they are getting. I know because I get compliements like that too. one tip though don%26#039;t make out like it is a sexual thing because some women don%26#039;t go for that. They find it offensive.
Reply:well there are two ways a girl would take it:
1-you just want to have sex
or
2-you think that she looks nice
nobody ever knows except for the person saying it. you can say it to a female yes, but some will take it as a compliment and say that you or some will take it as being to forward and just want sex. there%26#039;s really no right answer to that type of question.
Reply:its perfectly fine!!
Reply:If you tell ladies about their toes and shoes I would think your wried, but if you tell them that they look nice, pretty, etc. with what ever she is wearing that find ladies would like to hear that from a guy. Tell them face to face we don%26#039;t like it when you are in your car and horn or Whistle.
Reply:No it is not rude. And I believe that if a woman is %26quot;dressing%26quot; her feet up she is trying to make them look attractive.
computer
A question for the ladies only please?
Nooooooooooooooooo! Women thrive on compliments! It%26#039;s what keeps us going and gives us confidence our husbands and lovers don%26#039;t give.
Reply:Yep - just remember:
Women are attention-whores Report It
Reply:No, Woman Likes to get compliment They like whent a guy tell them some compliment !!
Reply:I%26#039;ts not rude i%26#039;ts kind of nice
Reply:No tell them most ladies love compliments from basically anyone who actually means it So say what u feel brotha!
Reply:Tell them as long as you%26#039;re not saying that you want to lick their toes or anything!!!!!!!
Reply:No, girls like to hear those kind of things. Saying, %26quot;I like your shoes, they make you look sexy%26quot; is always a compliment.
Reply:It%26#039;s fine, but don%26#039;t have a hard on or anything! I knew this guy once that had a foot fetish and he told me what pretty feet I had and he had a hard on. Totally grossed me out!!
Reply:it depends if he said it in a sarcazum way then he hates it if he said it in a regulre way then he likes it
Reply:Of course I love when a guy notices the little things I do. It makes me feel more sexy. as long as he is not a perv about it then its cool
Reply:thats probably why they wear it
Reply:A woman always likes to be complimented. If you compliment her on her shoes, thats even better, because it shows your not just staring at those obvious places. You are actually looking at her and taking it all in. If she has toe rings on, let her know you like them. Women wear them to be noticed, not just because they are uncomfortable.
Reply:It would be ok to tell a women that because we like to hear if you think that we look nice.
Reply:Hahaha well it might be nice, but then again you could sound creepy and scare them away. I had something simliar happen to me, I got away as quickly as possible. I would recommend saying that to someone you know. No complete strangers, and youll be safe.
Reply:only if they say %26quot;i like your toe rings. they%26#039;re cute%26quot; or something like that.
Reply:will got luck on the vote here has you can see they all say it go to give commit some will find it sad that you don%26#039;t an as far as to giving to stranger ya it can be odd to them on the way you ask even though you were just giving them a complement some ladies miss judge nice men
Reply:no us girls love getting compliments i think that if you think a girl looks nice you should tell them it wouldn%26#039;t be rude.
Reply:It%26#039;s not rude; it%26#039;s flattering.
Reply:lol r u crazy! they%26#039;ll think that u r sooo werid! atleast i would =P so i would say no
Reply:no its cool
Reply:thats not rude...what women doesn%26#039;t enjoy a compliment
Reply:Most people like a sincere NON SEXUAL compliment. Don%26#039;t gush or overdo it.
Reply:sure tell them......seems like u have a foot fetish lol
Reply:why do you think we do stuff like that? As long as you don%26#039;t say it in a creepy, sexual preditor type of way, you should be good on giving out a compliment.
Reply:It is a welcome compliment.
Reply:No its not rude at all. Who doesn%26#039;t like getting compliments ?
Reply:I personally don%26#039;t find it a problem but it can be mistaken as creepy so becareful not to stare.
Reply:It is definately a compliment to tell a woman or young girl that she has nice feet or toes. Women love compliments like that to death, because of the attention they are getting. I know because I get compliements like that too. one tip though don%26#039;t make out like it is a sexual thing because some women don%26#039;t go for that. They find it offensive.
Reply:well there are two ways a girl would take it:
1-you just want to have sex
or
2-you think that she looks nice
nobody ever knows except for the person saying it. you can say it to a female yes, but some will take it as a compliment and say that you or some will take it as being to forward and just want sex. there%26#039;s really no right answer to that type of question.
Reply:its perfectly fine!!
Reply:If you tell ladies about their toes and shoes I would think your wried, but if you tell them that they look nice, pretty, etc. with what ever she is wearing that find ladies would like to hear that from a guy. Tell them face to face we don%26#039;t like it when you are in your car and horn or Whistle.
Reply:No it is not rude. And I believe that if a woman is %26quot;dressing%26quot; her feet up she is trying to make them look attractive.
computer
I Want to Catch Women's Attention....?
This question is for women 21 and older. My birthday is this Saturday, I turn 25. My best-friend/ex-girlfriend will be there, and there%26#039;ll be my best friend Lance, and another lady friend of mine. We%26#039;re going to a deli-bistro/bar that has a deck outside where you can eat, drink, and smoke, and relax and sit down. Then after that they%26#039;re taking me to a strip club that is nice, but does NOT require dress shoes, a tie, or dress coat. What should I wear if I want to catch women%26#039;s attention that night? It%26#039;s going to be about 75-90 degrees. Thanks!
I Want to Catch Women%26#039;s Attention....?
I%26#039;m 18, but I%26#039;m not one for following other peoples requests *rolls eyes*
I would say just some jeans, a nice button up, and some casual shoes. I mean there isn%26#039;t much you can do....where as a girl...well there are so many options :P
tax credit
I Want to Catch Women%26#039;s Attention....?
I%26#039;m 18, but I%26#039;m not one for following other peoples requests *rolls eyes*
I would say just some jeans, a nice button up, and some casual shoes. I mean there isn%26#039;t much you can do....where as a girl...well there are so many options :P
tax credit
Have asked before(reedited) Opinions Please!!?
I worked hard to format it on here. Its my book. Feedback:)
Ch 1: Rich Teen Poor Attitude
The sunlight illuminated through a partial opening of the velvet drapes, which faintly lit the dark bedroom. The stillness was shattered by the loud buzz of an alarm clock quickly silenced by the pound of a fist. A bed creaked, as a slim formed rose from the mound of blankets. This form, this young man, with dark caramel hair, and brown eyes was Damien Risquette. Better known as the infamous 14 year old heir to the Risquette Stock Marketing and Real Estate empire. Sluggishly Damien walked to the drapes, shivering as his bare feet touched the wood floors. Spreading open the drapes, the sunlight lit the entirety of the big bedroom. Which was clean and spotless thanks to Selena Rogue, the housemaid. Looking out the window, he took in the view of Central Park, just across the street. Yawning, he then went to the bathroom to washed up then headed to the doors opposite his bathroom which led to his walk-in closet. Automatic lights lit the closet, as Damien walked inside. Grumbling, and muttering profanity, Damien stepped over two Armani leather coats that he had threw on the floor the night before so carelessly. In the back of the closet was a drawer he opened which kept his school uniforms. He attends The Wimble Preparatory Academy. Loosening his tie, he finished the navy blue and white school uniform. Exiting the closet, and then the room he was but not even partially ready for events about to unfold. For he was to preoccupied with his angered outlook on the little things that most pay no attention to. In other words, it was another day in the life of Damien Christco Risquette. Descending to the 1st floor Damien plotted a way to convince his parents he was “sick“ and that going to school would be a bad decision. Every weekday morning, either his mother Kate, or father Joseph had to quite literally force him to school or suffer consequences to which they as parents never carried out. Today neither were home as the house was empty, much to the glee of Damien. Selena must have taken the day off Damien thought to himself as he checked the foyer, the kitchen and the family room just to be sure he was alone. With the house occupied only by himself, he basked in the event there would be no arguments or protests between his parents and himself. With his mind made up that he was not going to school, he plopped down on one of the over stuffed leather chairs in the living room, preparing to waste the day away. Flipping through the channels, Damien drifted in and out of sleep. Refusing to climb back up the 3 floors to his room, he dozed off on the chair. “Child, you better wake up.” Damien sprang awake catching his balance before he fell out of the chair. He turned behind him and saw Selena, standing in the foyer, shaking her head in utter disappointment. “You better get up and get to school”, she said sternly, Trying to create a believable lie Damien stuttered, “I-I already went to school but felt sick and got released early. Surely the school must have called to tell I would be home early.” “Yeah, the school did call, but the call was about you not even going this morning” Selena said, almost proud of herself for catching Damien in his twist of lies.
Putting down her purse on the table by the front door, she walked past Damien into the kitchen where the phone was. “Today is March 17 2009,” the machines female voice stated. “You have 1 message. ‘Hello this is Patricia from the Academy, Damien once again is absent from school. This is the 12th time he’s been absent in a row. Please note that the next time this happens, the school will have to bring it up to the attention of the Board of Education of New York.’” The answering machine beeped, then turned off. Selena turned back around to face Damien who had the look of a caught fugitive. “Hmm” was she said. Simple as can be. Walking into the kitchen, to put away the dishes Selena said to Damien “your mother called on my way here. She’s returning from her business meeting in Chicago. If you go to school now, I won’t tell her you tried to pull a fast one.” Unlike his parents whom were lenient, Selena who was much like a third parent, never backed down when she made up her mind. Damien didn’t get to make the decisions when she was around. His parents were perfectly fine with it to. They were glad to have someone teaching Damien some discipline. Damien still sitting in the chair whispered under his breath. Selena turned around to face him, holding a plate in her hand and asked “did you have something to say? I hear you whispering, if you‘re going to talk speak up.” Realizing he needed to shut his mouth before that dish in Selena’s hand ended up flying in his direction, Damien quickly replied “I was just talking to myself.” “Yeah, that’s what you better have been doing” Selena warned, turning back around to the dishwasher. Damien got off the chair, walked to the closet behind him, and grabbed his backpack, and a pair of dress shoes, mandatory by the Academy to wear. “You better grab a coat. It was freezing when I was outside” Selena warned, finishing up with the dishes. “The weather looks fine, I can see outside the window” Damien smugly replied back, rolling his eyes. “You roll your eyes at me again, I’ll pick them out” Selena threatened, startling Damien who thought she had her back faced to him. “If you don’t want a coat, fine. But don’t come whining home, complaining to your parents when you get a cold” she fired back, throwing the cleaning wipe in the trash bin under the sink. “I’ll be glad if I get sick” Damien coyly replied. Selena shook her head, as she left the kitchen, to go upstairs to do laundry. Stopping in the kitchen doorway, she turned to Damien, sighed then said “you have such a hard head you know. Just for once, I wish you would just listen when someone say something to you.” Wanting to get the conversation over with, Damien grabbed a coat from the closet, almost ripping it as he yanked it off the hanger. Not getting a reply from Damien, Selena walked to the closet, to pick up two other coats that fell off their hangers, when Damien pulled his down. Sitting on the couch to put on his shoes, and stuff his jacket into his backpack, which was filled with crumbled papers and such, he said “I bet you will feel guilty one day if I run away because of how you treat me. It‘s like I‘m in military school” Selena who was headed to the staircase stopped and turned to Damien. Smiling she replied “boy, I’ll be joyous if you ran off, that’ll mean less clean up for me to do ‘round here. Also, I’m not harsh with you, I’m just trying to teach you some discipline so you grow up to be a behaved, well-mannered young man. But I can‘t make you become that person. There ain’t nobody can help or save you but yourself, I want you to remember that.” Damien pondered that thought as he stood up and walked to the front door. Selena added, “I’ll call your driver, he’ll be outside in 15 minutes or so. Now go to school and have a good day.” Opening the door, he replied “there is no good day if it’s a school day for me.” “Keep your mouth shut, you will have a good day” Selena replied. Damien pondered that thought also. Filing it away in his short-term memory he said “I’ll try that, bye.” Selena replied bye back then went upstairs to finish her work. Damien stood in the foyer still thinking about ditching school. But he knew he had to go. Someway, somehow Selena would find out. “I have eyes for the eye in the back of my head” he remembers her saying when he was a little kid, when he would try and sneak out of timeout. Reluctantly he opened the front door and slowly stepped outside. Whether Damien was ready or not, he was going to face much more than a day of school. He is going to face the real world. Where money cannot buy acceptance, and acceptance is gained from the amount of respect and dignity you hold for yourself and others.
Two characteristics that are quite risqué for the Risquette’s.
Ch 2: Hit and Pay
Stepping out of the family’s four story home in the Upper East Side of Manhattan, Damien shivered as he realized how stupid he was and should have just taken Selena‘s word. He opened his backpack and grabbed his coat to put on. Taking a seat on one of the step outside the house, he leaned against his backpack. Looking at his clock, it read eleven o’clock. School finished at 3PM. Damien was glad that he would miss a lot of school, but sullen because he would be there for some time of school. Loudly, just for attention he swore “damn it.” A twenty-something looking woman, jogging past the Risquette’s residence stopped and stared at Damien. Shaking her head, she said within his earshot “I swear these kid’s these days, no self respect whatever. They probably think they can buy it with their daddy‘s credit card.” Loudly, Damien said “Bitc-” She stopped again, and turned around to Damien. Ready to return his remark, she regained composure, deciding to be the mature one and turned back around to continue jogging. Damien smiled cunningly. Though he would have enjoyed a verbal argument between him and the woman. A few minutes later, the limo pulled up along the curb. Hopping off the step, and grabbing his backpack Damien opened the gates and walked to the limo. He looked in the direction the lady had walked in to find her nowhere in sight. Bitter, because he realized school was eminent, Damien threw his backpack and then coat into the car. Then getting in himself, he leaned back in the seat, not feeling like putting on his seatbelt. Nicolas Gomitz, the family’s driver since Damien was born, turned around in the driver’s seat to Damien and said cheerfully “Good morning Mr. Risquette. I hear you tried to pull a fast one today. Trying to ditch school. I remember when I-” Sourly Damien groaned. His signal that he didn’t feel like hearing Nick. Nick got the message loud and clear. “Well, are you going to go or not” Damien snarled. “Wimblen Academy it is then” Nick sighed, hitting the gas pedal. The limo pulled away from the curb, in destination to Brooklyn where the Academy is. Even though he lived in Manhattan all his life, Damien still found himself staring up at the towering skyscrapers that laid throughout the city. He stared out the window as the limo drove through the city. With traffic moving semi-smoothly, the limo made swift pace toward the Manhattan Bridge. Which would lead directly to the Academy located on Fulton street. Impatient at the slow of traffic as the limo pulled into Little Italy, Nick took a swift right turn at the next light. A man, chatting away on his cell bolted across the street as the limo turned. Seeing the man, Nick slammed on the brakes throwing Damien who still wasn’t wearing a seatbelt onto the floor. The man snapped his cell shut and kicked front bumper of the limo. Nick immediately. Damien to stepped out, hearing the commotion as he got back up. “What the hell is going on here” Damien yelled. The man who almost got hit and Nick, ignored Damien and continued their screaming match. The man threatened to sue, to which got Nick swearing up a storm. By now a small crowd of people had gathered around. Damien sighed and got back in the limo, slamming the door shut. Thirty minutes later, and the dashboard clock in the limo reading 1PM the dispute was finalized with the Mr. Stewarts, the Risquette family attorney, rushing down to the incident, and going through a bunch of legal stuff of how the man was at fault for jaywalking, and was not even injured. Shaken up a little, but not injured. The man after thinking awhile agreed. Nick apologized and that was that. However, Mr. Stewart handed the man $100. Some people watching the incident, gave looks of disapproval. Especially when the man greedily took the money and walked off, pulling his cell phone out. The Risquette’s, were notorious for trying to buy their way out trouble. Money shuts people up. The family knew that, and took full advantage of it. The limo pulled up a gravel road, leading to the Academy, which lurked ominously ahead. The limo pulled in front of the school and Damien sighed, slowly opening the door. Damien really had no reasonable reason for not wanting to go to school. He wasn’t bullied, nor had anyone to fear. He was the one who was feared. A sophomore, he threatened students of any class rank. The upper grades, the junior’s and senior’s stayed clear of his way. The Risquette’s were not the people you want as an enemy. With a reputation as manipulative, Damien used his family’s power to push his backwards of the alphabet report card to a more appealing report card comprised of A’s and B’s. Grumbling again, he opened the car door and stepped out. Grabbing his backpack and blackberry, Damien leaned back out of the car. About to shut the door, he stopped when Nick said “wait, I might be little-” Damien slammed the door shut, cutting off what Nick. To the limo as it pulled from the curb he said “you better have been going to say you may be a little early.” Entering the school, Damien found the halls empty. Above the doors was a clock which read 2PM. Thinking it complete stupidity that he still had to go to school, with just one class left. He opened the school doors, about to walk out, and stopped hearing footsteps behind him. It was Mr. Grant, the Vice Principle. Sarcastically Mr. Grant said “where do you think your going? Leaving so soon after making an appearance.” Damien stared at Mr. Grant. Trying hard to project all the hate he felt into his icy stare. “Yup, that’s what I’m doing” Damien said, now looking at the lockers. “I’d appreciate you showing some respect” Mr. Grant said, irritated. “Sure, please, thank you” replied Damien. Trying hard to piss of Mr. Grant. Mr. Grant ignored Damien‘s childish remark and told him to either go to class, or receive a detention for “disrespect“. Now wanting to another “respect your self” speech from his dad, Damien chose class. With 30 minutes left, he proceeded to his 7th period class. English with Ms. Jacar. Damien had one been one of Ms. Jacar’s top students. That was five years ago when Damien was a ‘rich kid‘. Now, he’s a ‘rich, disrespectful, and spoiled teen.’Much difference one can see, Previous teachers used to say how smart he is, and how when he puts his whole heart and mind into his schoolwork he is magnificent. Comments now from his teachers border around his not attending school and disrespectful behavior. Those issues are brought to his always late parents who inform the teachers that it is “simple adolescent behavior.” Damien didn’t start his workmanship to not attend school until he entered High School. His grades suffered, and his parents remained clueless. Damien had all the symptoms to become ‘a set for life.’ So long as the money remained, and the Risquette’s kept their oversized egos. Walking into class, Damien grimaced at the familiar atmosphere of working brains, and addiction to learn.
Some of the students looked up from the book they were reading. Clearly they were surprised Damien was at school. Almost as surprised as Damien was with himself for going through with the whole thing.
Ms. Jacar, completely immersed in her romance novel Damien until he went to her desk and asked slightingly “What do you want me to do.”
Looking up from her book prepared to reprimand a student who wasn’t paying attention, she was surprised to find it was Damien. “Hello Damien, you can just go and sit down. School‘s almost out anyway” she said eyeing the clock.
Without replying back, Damien walked quickly to his desk. Which was in the back of the room next to the window.
Putting his head against the window, he watched car’s pull into the parking lot. Not seeing the limo Damien snarled and put his head down on the cold desk.
He could feel the stares from his classmates.
Raising his head slowly, he heard the sound of pencils against paper restart. He stared at the clock. Tick…tock….tick…..tock.
End of Ch. 2 Copyrighted 2008
Have asked before(reedited) Opinions Please!!?
Way too descriptive. Overly done. Leave some things to your readers%26#039; imaginations. Too much information. An editor would cut out about half of it. Please do yourself a favor and read Stephen King%26#039;s On Writing. This kind of overly descriptive writing loaded down with adjectives and adverbs until it cannot bear its own weight is discussed in detail in there. It is the mark of an amateur writer.
Did you ever read Misery? You should. You would notice that King goes out of his way to describe Annie. We know what she looks like, how she smells, her little habits, etc. We even know what her portion of the house looks like in just enough detail. However we know next to nothing about our protagonist, Paul. Even the layout of the room is largely left to our imaginations.
Why? Because he knows he has to burn that image of Annie into our brains. He wants her to scare the living hell out of us. And she does. However, Paul our hero, is left to our imagination. Is he King%26#039;s doppleganger? We don%26#039;t know because he doesn%26#039;t tell us. He carefully and correctly limits the amount of information he gives us. We are as scared and confused in this room as Paul is. It is new to us, too.
That is the mark of good writing. Knowing when to add the details and when to withhold them. And knowing what color hair and eyes your protagonist has isn%26#039;t characterization. You haven%26#039;t fleshed this person out at all. They are a two dimensional, flat paper doll. For example - I learn more about Lolita in the first paragraph of Nabakov%26#039;s book than I do in all this stuff you have written -- and Lolita isn%26#039;t even IN the first paragraph. THAT is how to create a character.
This becomes a huge information dump. One long case of Telling Not Showing. Sentence after sentence you just dump information on us. A good author SHOWS not TELLS. You need to read a couple good books on writing to learn how. This just reads like a laundry list. No feeling or emotion in it. Sorry. Pax-C
Reply:%26quot;That is the mark of good writing. Knowing when to add the details and when to withhold them.%26quot;
Hate to quote another person%26#039;s answer but Pers. really knows what she%26#039;s talking about. The key is to be concise, and only describe where it is necessary for effect. Such a skill is very much acquired as you write, as well as read about how to write fiction properly. Buy NOW %26quot;Self-Editing For Fiction Writers%26quot; and it will save you a hell of a lot of wasted time, read that book before you redraft this thing ENTIRELY. Sorry to be harsh but it reads amateur, hey so does mine at the moment too, it%26#039;s a struggle, not meant to be easy, but anything worth having is worth working HARD for.
Good luck, and many wouldn%26#039;t even try, so give yourself a pat on the back then keep going.
Reply:It likes me. You have a talent. I read it all, for me it is cool!
Reply:I have read chapter 1, but chapter 2 is amazing as well. U R getting really far with it and it really gets me interested into the story. I love it so much! Seriously email it to me!! LOL :)
-Freckles
Shoes Agents
Ch 1: Rich Teen Poor Attitude
The sunlight illuminated through a partial opening of the velvet drapes, which faintly lit the dark bedroom. The stillness was shattered by the loud buzz of an alarm clock quickly silenced by the pound of a fist. A bed creaked, as a slim formed rose from the mound of blankets. This form, this young man, with dark caramel hair, and brown eyes was Damien Risquette. Better known as the infamous 14 year old heir to the Risquette Stock Marketing and Real Estate empire. Sluggishly Damien walked to the drapes, shivering as his bare feet touched the wood floors. Spreading open the drapes, the sunlight lit the entirety of the big bedroom. Which was clean and spotless thanks to Selena Rogue, the housemaid. Looking out the window, he took in the view of Central Park, just across the street. Yawning, he then went to the bathroom to washed up then headed to the doors opposite his bathroom which led to his walk-in closet. Automatic lights lit the closet, as Damien walked inside. Grumbling, and muttering profanity, Damien stepped over two Armani leather coats that he had threw on the floor the night before so carelessly. In the back of the closet was a drawer he opened which kept his school uniforms. He attends The Wimble Preparatory Academy. Loosening his tie, he finished the navy blue and white school uniform. Exiting the closet, and then the room he was but not even partially ready for events about to unfold. For he was to preoccupied with his angered outlook on the little things that most pay no attention to. In other words, it was another day in the life of Damien Christco Risquette. Descending to the 1st floor Damien plotted a way to convince his parents he was “sick“ and that going to school would be a bad decision. Every weekday morning, either his mother Kate, or father Joseph had to quite literally force him to school or suffer consequences to which they as parents never carried out. Today neither were home as the house was empty, much to the glee of Damien. Selena must have taken the day off Damien thought to himself as he checked the foyer, the kitchen and the family room just to be sure he was alone. With the house occupied only by himself, he basked in the event there would be no arguments or protests between his parents and himself. With his mind made up that he was not going to school, he plopped down on one of the over stuffed leather chairs in the living room, preparing to waste the day away. Flipping through the channels, Damien drifted in and out of sleep. Refusing to climb back up the 3 floors to his room, he dozed off on the chair. “Child, you better wake up.” Damien sprang awake catching his balance before he fell out of the chair. He turned behind him and saw Selena, standing in the foyer, shaking her head in utter disappointment. “You better get up and get to school”, she said sternly, Trying to create a believable lie Damien stuttered, “I-I already went to school but felt sick and got released early. Surely the school must have called to tell I would be home early.” “Yeah, the school did call, but the call was about you not even going this morning” Selena said, almost proud of herself for catching Damien in his twist of lies.
Putting down her purse on the table by the front door, she walked past Damien into the kitchen where the phone was. “Today is March 17 2009,” the machines female voice stated. “You have 1 message. ‘Hello this is Patricia from the Academy, Damien once again is absent from school. This is the 12th time he’s been absent in a row. Please note that the next time this happens, the school will have to bring it up to the attention of the Board of Education of New York.’” The answering machine beeped, then turned off. Selena turned back around to face Damien who had the look of a caught fugitive. “Hmm” was she said. Simple as can be. Walking into the kitchen, to put away the dishes Selena said to Damien “your mother called on my way here. She’s returning from her business meeting in Chicago. If you go to school now, I won’t tell her you tried to pull a fast one.” Unlike his parents whom were lenient, Selena who was much like a third parent, never backed down when she made up her mind. Damien didn’t get to make the decisions when she was around. His parents were perfectly fine with it to. They were glad to have someone teaching Damien some discipline. Damien still sitting in the chair whispered under his breath. Selena turned around to face him, holding a plate in her hand and asked “did you have something to say? I hear you whispering, if you‘re going to talk speak up.” Realizing he needed to shut his mouth before that dish in Selena’s hand ended up flying in his direction, Damien quickly replied “I was just talking to myself.” “Yeah, that’s what you better have been doing” Selena warned, turning back around to the dishwasher. Damien got off the chair, walked to the closet behind him, and grabbed his backpack, and a pair of dress shoes, mandatory by the Academy to wear. “You better grab a coat. It was freezing when I was outside” Selena warned, finishing up with the dishes. “The weather looks fine, I can see outside the window” Damien smugly replied back, rolling his eyes. “You roll your eyes at me again, I’ll pick them out” Selena threatened, startling Damien who thought she had her back faced to him. “If you don’t want a coat, fine. But don’t come whining home, complaining to your parents when you get a cold” she fired back, throwing the cleaning wipe in the trash bin under the sink. “I’ll be glad if I get sick” Damien coyly replied. Selena shook her head, as she left the kitchen, to go upstairs to do laundry. Stopping in the kitchen doorway, she turned to Damien, sighed then said “you have such a hard head you know. Just for once, I wish you would just listen when someone say something to you.” Wanting to get the conversation over with, Damien grabbed a coat from the closet, almost ripping it as he yanked it off the hanger. Not getting a reply from Damien, Selena walked to the closet, to pick up two other coats that fell off their hangers, when Damien pulled his down. Sitting on the couch to put on his shoes, and stuff his jacket into his backpack, which was filled with crumbled papers and such, he said “I bet you will feel guilty one day if I run away because of how you treat me. It‘s like I‘m in military school” Selena who was headed to the staircase stopped and turned to Damien. Smiling she replied “boy, I’ll be joyous if you ran off, that’ll mean less clean up for me to do ‘round here. Also, I’m not harsh with you, I’m just trying to teach you some discipline so you grow up to be a behaved, well-mannered young man. But I can‘t make you become that person. There ain’t nobody can help or save you but yourself, I want you to remember that.” Damien pondered that thought as he stood up and walked to the front door. Selena added, “I’ll call your driver, he’ll be outside in 15 minutes or so. Now go to school and have a good day.” Opening the door, he replied “there is no good day if it’s a school day for me.” “Keep your mouth shut, you will have a good day” Selena replied. Damien pondered that thought also. Filing it away in his short-term memory he said “I’ll try that, bye.” Selena replied bye back then went upstairs to finish her work. Damien stood in the foyer still thinking about ditching school. But he knew he had to go. Someway, somehow Selena would find out. “I have eyes for the eye in the back of my head” he remembers her saying when he was a little kid, when he would try and sneak out of timeout. Reluctantly he opened the front door and slowly stepped outside. Whether Damien was ready or not, he was going to face much more than a day of school. He is going to face the real world. Where money cannot buy acceptance, and acceptance is gained from the amount of respect and dignity you hold for yourself and others.
Two characteristics that are quite risqué for the Risquette’s.
Ch 2: Hit and Pay
Stepping out of the family’s four story home in the Upper East Side of Manhattan, Damien shivered as he realized how stupid he was and should have just taken Selena‘s word. He opened his backpack and grabbed his coat to put on. Taking a seat on one of the step outside the house, he leaned against his backpack. Looking at his clock, it read eleven o’clock. School finished at 3PM. Damien was glad that he would miss a lot of school, but sullen because he would be there for some time of school. Loudly, just for attention he swore “damn it.” A twenty-something looking woman, jogging past the Risquette’s residence stopped and stared at Damien. Shaking her head, she said within his earshot “I swear these kid’s these days, no self respect whatever. They probably think they can buy it with their daddy‘s credit card.” Loudly, Damien said “Bitc-” She stopped again, and turned around to Damien. Ready to return his remark, she regained composure, deciding to be the mature one and turned back around to continue jogging. Damien smiled cunningly. Though he would have enjoyed a verbal argument between him and the woman. A few minutes later, the limo pulled up along the curb. Hopping off the step, and grabbing his backpack Damien opened the gates and walked to the limo. He looked in the direction the lady had walked in to find her nowhere in sight. Bitter, because he realized school was eminent, Damien threw his backpack and then coat into the car. Then getting in himself, he leaned back in the seat, not feeling like putting on his seatbelt. Nicolas Gomitz, the family’s driver since Damien was born, turned around in the driver’s seat to Damien and said cheerfully “Good morning Mr. Risquette. I hear you tried to pull a fast one today. Trying to ditch school. I remember when I-” Sourly Damien groaned. His signal that he didn’t feel like hearing Nick. Nick got the message loud and clear. “Well, are you going to go or not” Damien snarled. “Wimblen Academy it is then” Nick sighed, hitting the gas pedal. The limo pulled away from the curb, in destination to Brooklyn where the Academy is. Even though he lived in Manhattan all his life, Damien still found himself staring up at the towering skyscrapers that laid throughout the city. He stared out the window as the limo drove through the city. With traffic moving semi-smoothly, the limo made swift pace toward the Manhattan Bridge. Which would lead directly to the Academy located on Fulton street. Impatient at the slow of traffic as the limo pulled into Little Italy, Nick took a swift right turn at the next light. A man, chatting away on his cell bolted across the street as the limo turned. Seeing the man, Nick slammed on the brakes throwing Damien who still wasn’t wearing a seatbelt onto the floor. The man snapped his cell shut and kicked front bumper of the limo. Nick immediately. Damien to stepped out, hearing the commotion as he got back up. “What the hell is going on here” Damien yelled. The man who almost got hit and Nick, ignored Damien and continued their screaming match. The man threatened to sue, to which got Nick swearing up a storm. By now a small crowd of people had gathered around. Damien sighed and got back in the limo, slamming the door shut. Thirty minutes later, and the dashboard clock in the limo reading 1PM the dispute was finalized with the Mr. Stewarts, the Risquette family attorney, rushing down to the incident, and going through a bunch of legal stuff of how the man was at fault for jaywalking, and was not even injured. Shaken up a little, but not injured. The man after thinking awhile agreed. Nick apologized and that was that. However, Mr. Stewart handed the man $100. Some people watching the incident, gave looks of disapproval. Especially when the man greedily took the money and walked off, pulling his cell phone out. The Risquette’s, were notorious for trying to buy their way out trouble. Money shuts people up. The family knew that, and took full advantage of it. The limo pulled up a gravel road, leading to the Academy, which lurked ominously ahead. The limo pulled in front of the school and Damien sighed, slowly opening the door. Damien really had no reasonable reason for not wanting to go to school. He wasn’t bullied, nor had anyone to fear. He was the one who was feared. A sophomore, he threatened students of any class rank. The upper grades, the junior’s and senior’s stayed clear of his way. The Risquette’s were not the people you want as an enemy. With a reputation as manipulative, Damien used his family’s power to push his backwards of the alphabet report card to a more appealing report card comprised of A’s and B’s. Grumbling again, he opened the car door and stepped out. Grabbing his backpack and blackberry, Damien leaned back out of the car. About to shut the door, he stopped when Nick said “wait, I might be little-” Damien slammed the door shut, cutting off what Nick. To the limo as it pulled from the curb he said “you better have been going to say you may be a little early.” Entering the school, Damien found the halls empty. Above the doors was a clock which read 2PM. Thinking it complete stupidity that he still had to go to school, with just one class left. He opened the school doors, about to walk out, and stopped hearing footsteps behind him. It was Mr. Grant, the Vice Principle. Sarcastically Mr. Grant said “where do you think your going? Leaving so soon after making an appearance.” Damien stared at Mr. Grant. Trying hard to project all the hate he felt into his icy stare. “Yup, that’s what I’m doing” Damien said, now looking at the lockers. “I’d appreciate you showing some respect” Mr. Grant said, irritated. “Sure, please, thank you” replied Damien. Trying hard to piss of Mr. Grant. Mr. Grant ignored Damien‘s childish remark and told him to either go to class, or receive a detention for “disrespect“. Now wanting to another “respect your self” speech from his dad, Damien chose class. With 30 minutes left, he proceeded to his 7th period class. English with Ms. Jacar. Damien had one been one of Ms. Jacar’s top students. That was five years ago when Damien was a ‘rich kid‘. Now, he’s a ‘rich, disrespectful, and spoiled teen.’Much difference one can see, Previous teachers used to say how smart he is, and how when he puts his whole heart and mind into his schoolwork he is magnificent. Comments now from his teachers border around his not attending school and disrespectful behavior. Those issues are brought to his always late parents who inform the teachers that it is “simple adolescent behavior.” Damien didn’t start his workmanship to not attend school until he entered High School. His grades suffered, and his parents remained clueless. Damien had all the symptoms to become ‘a set for life.’ So long as the money remained, and the Risquette’s kept their oversized egos. Walking into class, Damien grimaced at the familiar atmosphere of working brains, and addiction to learn.
Some of the students looked up from the book they were reading. Clearly they were surprised Damien was at school. Almost as surprised as Damien was with himself for going through with the whole thing.
Ms. Jacar, completely immersed in her romance novel Damien until he went to her desk and asked slightingly “What do you want me to do.”
Looking up from her book prepared to reprimand a student who wasn’t paying attention, she was surprised to find it was Damien. “Hello Damien, you can just go and sit down. School‘s almost out anyway” she said eyeing the clock.
Without replying back, Damien walked quickly to his desk. Which was in the back of the room next to the window.
Putting his head against the window, he watched car’s pull into the parking lot. Not seeing the limo Damien snarled and put his head down on the cold desk.
He could feel the stares from his classmates.
Raising his head slowly, he heard the sound of pencils against paper restart. He stared at the clock. Tick…tock….tick…..tock.
End of Ch. 2 Copyrighted 2008
Have asked before(reedited) Opinions Please!!?
Way too descriptive. Overly done. Leave some things to your readers%26#039; imaginations. Too much information. An editor would cut out about half of it. Please do yourself a favor and read Stephen King%26#039;s On Writing. This kind of overly descriptive writing loaded down with adjectives and adverbs until it cannot bear its own weight is discussed in detail in there. It is the mark of an amateur writer.
Did you ever read Misery? You should. You would notice that King goes out of his way to describe Annie. We know what she looks like, how she smells, her little habits, etc. We even know what her portion of the house looks like in just enough detail. However we know next to nothing about our protagonist, Paul. Even the layout of the room is largely left to our imaginations.
Why? Because he knows he has to burn that image of Annie into our brains. He wants her to scare the living hell out of us. And she does. However, Paul our hero, is left to our imagination. Is he King%26#039;s doppleganger? We don%26#039;t know because he doesn%26#039;t tell us. He carefully and correctly limits the amount of information he gives us. We are as scared and confused in this room as Paul is. It is new to us, too.
That is the mark of good writing. Knowing when to add the details and when to withhold them. And knowing what color hair and eyes your protagonist has isn%26#039;t characterization. You haven%26#039;t fleshed this person out at all. They are a two dimensional, flat paper doll. For example - I learn more about Lolita in the first paragraph of Nabakov%26#039;s book than I do in all this stuff you have written -- and Lolita isn%26#039;t even IN the first paragraph. THAT is how to create a character.
This becomes a huge information dump. One long case of Telling Not Showing. Sentence after sentence you just dump information on us. A good author SHOWS not TELLS. You need to read a couple good books on writing to learn how. This just reads like a laundry list. No feeling or emotion in it. Sorry. Pax-C
Reply:%26quot;That is the mark of good writing. Knowing when to add the details and when to withhold them.%26quot;
Hate to quote another person%26#039;s answer but Pers. really knows what she%26#039;s talking about. The key is to be concise, and only describe where it is necessary for effect. Such a skill is very much acquired as you write, as well as read about how to write fiction properly. Buy NOW %26quot;Self-Editing For Fiction Writers%26quot; and it will save you a hell of a lot of wasted time, read that book before you redraft this thing ENTIRELY. Sorry to be harsh but it reads amateur, hey so does mine at the moment too, it%26#039;s a struggle, not meant to be easy, but anything worth having is worth working HARD for.
Good luck, and many wouldn%26#039;t even try, so give yourself a pat on the back then keep going.
Reply:It likes me. You have a talent. I read it all, for me it is cool!
Reply:I have read chapter 1, but chapter 2 is amazing as well. U R getting really far with it and it really gets me interested into the story. I love it so much! Seriously email it to me!! LOL :)
-Freckles
Shoes Agents
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)