Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Heres one for the ladies funny or true?

Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers?


A. They%26#039;re hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don%26#039;t work.





Q. How can you tell when a man is well hung?


A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.





Q. How do men define a %26quot;50/50%26quot; relationship?


A. We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.





Q. How do men exercise on the beach?


A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.





Q. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?


A. Make him wear shoes.





Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?


A. Rename the mail folder %26quot;Instruction Manuals.%26quot;





Q. How does a man show he%26#039;s planning for the future?


A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.





Q. How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?


A. All he%26#039;s concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.





Q. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?


A. Any place without a drive-up window.





Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?


A. Trustworthy.





Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man%26#039;s penis?


A. His body.





Q. What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?


A. A power failure.





Q. What should you give a man who has everything?


A. A woman to show him how to work it.





Q. What do men and mascara have in common?


A. They both run at the first sign of emotion.





Q. What do men and pantyhose have in common?


A. They either cling, run, or don%26#039;t fit right in the crotch!





Q. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?


A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.





Q. What%26#039;s a man%26#039;s definition of a romantic evening?


A. Sex.





Q. What%26#039;s a man%26#039;s idea of honestly in a relationship?


A. Telling you his real name.





Q. What%26#039;s the best way to force a man to do sit ups?


A. Put the remote control between his toes.





Q. What%26#039;s the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?


A. Big Foot%26#039;s been spotted a several times.





Q. What%26#039;s the smartest thing a man can say?


A. %26quot;My wife says...%26quot;





Q. Why can%26#039;t men get mad cow disease?


A. Because they%26#039;re all pigs.





Q. Why do men like smart women?


A. Opposites attract.

Heres one for the ladies funny or true?
lmao *
Reply:Lmao Lol
Reply:haha so funny!!


but too harsh for the men. lol
Reply:Funny.


LOL.
Reply:funny, not always true :-)
Reply:old... some are good :)
Reply:hahahaha those are hilarious. I guess you know him then. pmsl



book

Ladies, how much allowance does your husband give you each week? Mine gives me 50 dollars..?

My husband can be so sweet sometimes. When we got married he opened up a checking account just for me :) I have my own debit card too. Each week he will deposit 50 dollars in my account and says that I can spend it on dresses, decorative items for the house, a friend, sister or my parents or buy him something. He also has a joint account that he will let me use for groceries or baby needs, and sometimes clothing like a jacket or shoes if I really plead with him ;) He has it set up for a maximum of 75 dollars a day and will only give me that card on certain days but you can%26#039;t have everything...lol...well then ofcourse he has his own account with most of the money, i%26#039;m not sure how much he makes but it seems to be a lot because we live in a big house and he drives a nice car. Sometimes get curious and wish he would tell me so I could see what kind of percentage I%26#039;m getting but I know that would be selfish. Anyways, I%26#039;m just curious to see what other women receive. I%26#039;m so thankful

Ladies, how much allowance does your husband give you each week? Mine gives me 50 dollars..?
His money!!Once in a while he%26#039;ll give me whatever he feels like!
Reply:This is way too much controlling of the money on his part. Are you a child? You have every right to know where his money goes too. I%26#039;d try to look at the bank statements. Why the tight grip????
Reply:Your lucky????? Honey this is the year 2006. If my husband was like that, I%26#039;d be divorced!





It%26#039;s never just his money. and you have no idea how much he makes. Are you crazy! I have access to all the accounts we have, and can spend it whenever and however I want. Something sounds strange...... he doesn%26#039;t tell u how much he makes, you only get $50, he has limits on the accounts, and he has majority of the money in his account???? Doesn%26#039;t sound good to me.
Reply:No allowance here.
Reply:what the hell i make most of our household income and i wish i got 50 a week ...........but if you have a job and you are contributing then you should be able to spend more than 50 bux
Reply:I hope you are joking - what is - %26quot;he let%26#039;s me%26quot;? You should let yourself.
Reply:Well I get my husband%26#039;s check every pay day %26amp; I put it with mine %26amp; pay our bills %26amp; we provide for each other %26amp; our kids with what is left.There is no his money or my money cause it is our money.We are a team.
Reply:I need more information, like do you work outside the home? How do you get around? Does he pay all the bills? Does he help with the baby? does he help with the housework? Does he cook or clean anything? Does he at least clean after himself? I can%26#039;t make a decision without knowing how much his contribution is.
Reply:you are definitely being mistreated, financially in your own family.





The majority of people in this country, in any country for that matter, have a joint account, where all the money goes in and all the money comes out.





This way both husband and wife know where the money is going. Both will have equal access to the money and both are responsible as to how it is spent.





Do you know what your husband is doing with %26quot;His money%26quot;? Is he gambling it away, is he using it on drugs? Is he spending it on other women.





You are completely in the dark.
Reply:i am laughing so hard right now..
Reply:The cost of living is high.You should be happy that you have some spending money because I don%26#039;t.My wife and I both work and every penny goes into our home.life is expensive!
Reply:I don%26#039;t get an %26quot;allowance%26quot; because I%26#039;m not 13 anymore..sorry but marriage is a team effort and what%26#039;s mine is yours etc..





Ignorance is bliss but not when it comes to finances..what if you divorced and found out that you were 100,000 in debt. Thats right, you are now responsible. It%26#039;s time to act like an adult and figure out what%26#039;s going on in your household..
Reply:What do you need an allowance for, you don%26#039;t get to leave the house. You don%26#039;t drive?


Thanks for the 2pts
Reply:wow, you mean you live like that?


you don%26#039;t know how much your husband makes even?
Reply:i get 100.00
Reply:I have a income and so does my husband. He has a checking account and I have a savings and checking account. We did have accounts together but for us that did not work out. I know what his checks are and his mine. He knows how much I have in both my accounts in case we have an emergency, it%26#039;s there. We live happily this way. I aways say each to their own. Glad you get an allowance.
Reply:Girl, i think that there is no allowances in marriage as well as hidden salaries. What%26#039;s the point of asking for money if circumstances allow-go get a job. There is nothing more humiliating than asking for some 50$ for outfits and house decoration!!!!It%26#039;s impossible to get all this, first of all, and second, if he wants to have beautiful and happy wife he should not give allowances but rather trust the person he loves. I think he should give everything and more to the woman that loves and accepts him for who he is.Sorry, I am not married, but I know that those tricks are not gonna fly with me.Good Luck!
Reply:How ancient. You seem like a very dependent woman. I can%26#039;t believe he%26#039;s giving you allowance like a lil kid. lol
Reply:You are an incredibly sweet woman...


A true feminine delight for any husband..


No wonder your husband married you...
Reply:It sounds like you don%26#039;t work. Gag. My husband and I both work full time. He pays all the bills, I pay for groceries. Get a job.
Reply:Well, I don%26#039;t have an allowance since I%26#039;m not a child. I can buy whatever I want whenever I want but I guess everyone has there own ideas of how there marriage should work but I would say that the fact that you don%26#039;t even know how much your husband makes and the fact you don%26#039;t have a joint account is strange to me.
Reply:You are very lucky girl and husband must be a heck of a nice guy.


You are being treated with loving care, if a man treated me that way I would be with him forever. You have no idea how fortunate you are, because some girls get O, and they are the ones working. Keep that man give him all th love he wants , you fell into a bed of roses. you are very, very, lucky girl.
Reply:*blink blink


well if you are happy with the way that your life is what does it matter what he makes? it seems that you have it pretty good to me. you don%26#039;t really want for anything and you do have spending money just for you.


my husband and i pool our money and since we both work, we both have equal access to it. i don%26#039;t get an allowance per say. we just made a budget and stick to it.
Reply:You sound like a lunatic.





If you are married to him, you should be completely aware of his professional status.





Does he even exist??
Reply:I would assume that you are joking with this question but will answer it just for the hell of it.





I would never allow my husband or any male to give me an allowance. I know exactly what our finances are and have access to our accounts with just the same rights as my husband. If he wanted things to be any different than that then there would be a problem. Your husband seems to be treating you like a small child and if that is okay with you then there is no problem. But I certainly wouldnt be telling other people how thankful you are as it doesnt seem you have a great deal to be thankful about.





Oh and if it is a joke it is a good one!


And after reading your other questions I can only assume that you either have a very strange life or a big problem with reality!
Reply:My husband gives me 60 a week, but when it is all gone he will buy me anything that I want. No matter what it is.
Reply:I get the whole paycheck, he gets the allowance. If he is allowed to spend it he will spend it all then we can%26#039;t pay bills. I spend wisely though. Get what we need and save the rest. Right now he is in the military, at this point he is going career but that doesn%26#039;t mean something won%26#039;t happen, so I save what I can.





For your situation which I have to say sounds fake as all get out, you are insane. If however, you are legit then then you%26#039;re just well stupid for allowing him to treat you that way. That%26#039;s all I will say on your %26quot;situation%26quot; though because I%26#039;m not buying it
Reply:Wow i couldnt live with an allowance not after all that i do for him. I take care of my husband. My husband makes a little over $7,200.00 a month and he doesnt even see his paychecks cause i deposit them at our bank. He has never denied me anything. If there is something i really want but cant get it right away, he will get if for me later. I am the mother of his kids and i take care of our kids, i cook and clean for this man so when he comes home from work his supper is waiting for him and his clothes are clean so i think i deserve to be spoiled. i guess thats his way of showing he appreciates all i do for him.
Reply:Youre also very easy to please, I%26#039;m not the greety type who insist I keep all the money but you dont even know how much your husband makes therefore he could be bringing in about 5000 dollars a week and youre only getting 50 of it. It doesn%26#039;t sound like a bad deal but in a marrage everything should be disscussed even finances, and how much each of you bring in the household!
Reply:I just read all of your questions if all of that is true please go to the police and tell them about your life. Scary! And for your question I make my money and he makes his. We both pay the house bills together and what is left we spend on what we want. But really if that stuff is true go to the cops immediatley.
Reply:you are basically living like a wife that existed in the 1950%26#039;s... if something happened to him you would have no idea on how to manage money or take care of your self... each year you file a tax return and I know you have to sign it... well before you do... look on this first page and you will see his W2 earnings... first he needs to let you in on whats going on with the finances... sounds like you have enough money to get by on ... your lucky on that point... I could say more on this but it woud be very negative...



Adidas

Ladies opinion on date outfit black short shorts with baby doll top?

What do yall think.Im not talkin booty shorts though not to short but not too long ,and a light green baby doll top with silver sparkles and butterflies which is a lil see threw not at the chest though just the stomach area and silver and gold strappy shoes.But would this outfit be of a night time or day time i don%26#039;t want to be to dressed up becouse i have the tenadcy to do that heaps.

Ladies opinion on date outfit black short shorts with baby doll top?
I think it sounds good, especially for a nighttime date. And my sister once told me %26quot;Who cares if you%26#039;re overdressed if you look hot?%26quot; It%26#039;s not like you%26#039;re wearing a ball gown :)
Reply:Sounds totally cute!
Reply:Ooo sounds cute :)


I would wear it.
Reply:Sounds really really cute ..have fun !
Reply:it%26#039;s fab:]





[that means fabulous]
Reply:totally cute!


♥ ♥ ♥
Reply:Sounds totally cute! ♥ it!
Reply:The silver sparkles, butterflies, and see through material is a LITTLE too over-the-top. And a bit tacky, to be quite honest. Stick with a solid colored top. There are plenty of %26quot;plain%26quot; tops that are adorable and not so %26quot;LOOK AT ME!!!!%26quot; attention whore. The black shorts are good, as long as they aren%26#039;t too short. Silver and gold strappy shoes...I dunno about those either. I%26#039;d have to see them. But they sound tacky, too. I%26#039;d stick with a solid colored heel, as well. Sounds like a night time outfit. Remember, flashy doesn%26#039;t always equal good-looking. Keep it classy.



flower

Ladies: Need you help and advice?

Bassicly last week saw this girl, she was real pretty. Dressed really nice. I didnt know what to say to her, i said to her nice shoes. She kidna gave me look and about to say thanks. i got nervous and walked off. Then later on i am on the bus and she sat next to me. I was so nervous i ddint speak to her. I am not talking about the school bus by the way. Anywho i real nervous didnt chat to her. Wish i did. I may see her tomorrow on the bus. What should i say to her? Want to get to know her. Or somthing like we meet again?





Advice and tips please





thanks, and any personal experince.

Ladies: Need you help and advice?
try to talk to her beyond her shoes.....show interest in her as a person


ask her where she lives, her likes,dislikes etc.





show more interest in her. ladies find UNDERSTANDING men attractive.





a good conversationalist shows more interest in the person in front than jabbering about himself.


ladies can%26#039;t resist a guy who lends his ears when they wanna speak their hearts out.



acne scar

Ladies and gentlemen...pick an outfit for me!?

i need ideas for outfits to go to a club. pictures would be very helpful. NO SKIRTS please (dresses are okay, but they should be at least knee length)! and don%26#039;t forget the shoes (i%26#039;ll be dancing, so something that isn%26#039;t going to kill my feet would be nice)!





i%26#039;m very petite, i wear a size one pant (jeans/shorts) and i%26#039;m very small up top too (unfortunately). i have dark skin (tan), and brown shoulder length hair with caramel highlights. i%26#039;m not to tall, just average at 5%26#039;4%26quot;. my favortie color is pink, but any color will do, as long as you think it is %26quot;club suitable%26quot; any ideas are greatly appreciated! thanks!

Ladies and gentlemen...pick an outfit for me!?
try this outfit and see if you like it...





http://www.gojane.com/20110.html





http://s7ondemand1.scene7.com/is/image/e...





http://s7ondemand1.scene7.com/is/image/e...
Reply:i think this will look really good with your skin tone---





top- http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?cat...


bottom- http://www3.jcpenney.com/jcp/Products.as...


shoes- in white- http://www3.jcpenney.com/jcp/Products.as...


accessories- http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?cat...


http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?cat...


hope this helps!! good luck!!
Reply:I think this:


http://wetseal.com/productdetail.asp?mi=...





With this under it:


http://wetseal.com/productdetail.asp?mi=...





And these:


http://wetseal.com/productdetail.asp?mi=...





And for shoes:


http://wetseal.com/productdetail.asp?mi=...





And earrings:


http://wetseal.com/productdetail.asp?mi=...





I think thats really cute. And it only cost $70.00


Hope you like it! :-)
Reply:wear something yellow



books title a

Ok Ladies I need help!!?

My mum has hinted to me that she would like some of those Fold Up Shoes for Mothers Day. I bought my wife some for Christmas the Black Mischa ones and my mum thought they were a fantastic idea as she goes away on holidays alot. But I%26#039;n not sure which ones???? She does%26#039;nt want to look like mutton dressed as lamb but whe is very %26#039;with it%26#039; for her age. I was thinking maybe the Eva. What do you think??? There are a few other things on that site to that I might get her like the Shoe Clips, She loves going out maybe the %26#039;Crystal%26#039; ones? or shall I stick with the Handbag Hanger, now thats a good idea!





I%26#039;d really appreciate your help as my wife says I should choose!





http://prettypinktoes.co.uk/afterpartysh...


http://prettypinktoes.co.uk/clips.aspx

Ok Ladies I need help!!?
Wow I like the idea, I thinnk I might get my mum some too! shes always coming to stay with us and brings these horredous slippers!!! Lovely idea





I think maybe the Eva or the Chloe, or maybe the Scarlet are nice, good for summer too!





As for the Shoe clips I love the grace ones or maybe the Amelia ones





and you may as well get her the handbag hanger too, they are a lovely present, I want one!!





She%26#039;ll be one happy mum
Reply:links did%26#039;nt work for me to
Reply:The Ada %26amp; Mischa shoes are cute (but nice %26amp; simple) on there - if she prefers something a bit more girly (e.g. if she likes shoes with big chunks of ribbon on the front) some of the other designs might be best. Good choice btw!
Reply:The Eva silver ones are lovely!! had never heard of these before, have just bought some of the Nicole ones hehe!!! they are lush!!! x
Reply:i think the eva would b nice but only in cream i think the slingbacks are nice too but silver might not be best for your mum! the clips are nice too but depends on how old she is! they r good for maybe 50+ year olds! i know my mom wouldnt like them lol
Reply:neither link worked for me.
Reply:yes i think the eva ones are good.





they are much nicer than the shoe clips.





If you are worried about mutton dressed as lamb, dont get her the silver ones - these are too much. Go for purple or cream (purple is probably safest).





They are a lovely present :)





xxxxx



nanny agency

Ladies: How would you feel if you ever...?

Imagine to wake up one day, very different from you%26#039;re now. During the night you%26#039;ve somehow become hotter, more buxom and shapely, physically speaking the most beautiful woman ever. Sexy but not lewd, shapely and curvy, a lovely face with brilliant eyes to make everyone melt with one look. You%26#039;re wardrobe is filled with high fashion dresses, feminine and sexy, so revealing that more would be lewd, lots of high heeled designer shoes, dazzling jewelry and other glam stuff. On your face, a hint of makeup to make you even lovelier. On your lips, a sexy, malicious smile of seduction and happiness.


But it%26#039;s a fixed smile. You cannot change expression at all, only smile alluringly. Your eyes shine, but you cannot cry. You cannot speak, or scream, just chuckle and giggle as you were a flirty, spoiled brat. You cannot wash away your makeup, and you cannot wear anything but those sexy dresses, with full jewelry and heels.


How would you feel? What would you do next?

Ladies: How would you feel if you ever...?
wow... this is probably the best question I have ever seen on this site. Ever! Props to you.


To answer the question is tough. I think at first I would be happy with my new look, and I would feel so good about myself. But then that feeling would fade. Never talking to your friends, never cry at your favorite movie, or sing to your favorite song... that%26#039;s a terrible fate. at first it would seem like a blessing, but it would quickly turn into being trapped in that cage. I wouldn%26#039;t be able to deal with that in the end...
Reply:I would kill myself!!!!!!!!
Reply:I agree with everyone else I would be crying inside and then kill my self
Reply:..i%26#039;ll hit myself. or prolly just kill myself
Reply:That would be very sad and depressing. I would take all the expensive clothing and accesories and burn them hoping that would rid me of the beauty and glammor most girls dream of. I also think only money hungary women with low-self esteem would even consider that a wonderful life.
Reply:id kill myself
Reply:Kill myself... because if that happened to all women, we%26#039;d all be like robots and are true personality wouldn%26#039;t be able to show. It would be absolutely horrible. Not to mention the pain of walking on those heals... ouch.
Reply:Well. Wow, I mean you%26#039;d probably be happy at first be like SWEAT IM THIS SUPER SEXY CHICK...than after about..an Hour I%26#039;d get sick of it.


But


I%26#039;d kick everyone in the shin and laugh about it.


Than i%26#039;d probably sky dive without a parachute because my husband would divorce me if i acted like that.
Reply:ok...while I wouldn%26#039;t prefer this to happen to me, I don%26#039;t think I could say that I would kill myself. I would definately try to continue to live my life and adjust appropriately. I would rather stay the way I am now though.
Reply:I wouldn%26#039;t kill myself -- there%26#039;s too much I want to do, regardless of my physical appearance or how others perceive me. I%26#039;d still be me.





It would be awful, but I guess I%26#039;d just struggle on. Learn sign language.
Reply:Interesting. I honestly don%26#039;t know what I would do. Probably kill myself.
Reply:I kind of like this question. I would definitely be done with my life. There would be no point. I wouldnt kill myself but it would be really stupid to be alive.
Reply:I would honestly kill myself.


this is an awesome question though =]]


good thinking.
Reply:I would probably kill myself. :P


I wouldn%26#039;t want to live a life like that. It is so superficial, and I would only be seen as an object and a ditz.





Quite the absurd scenario, by the way.
Reply:If that really happened to me, I think:


I would love it for a while, having all those things and being so beautiful. But then i think that I would start to miss the real me. I would want to change some of the things back to the way they were. I would want to keep some things, but change others. I mean, not crying? not speaking?? It would take away every joy that the world has. I would start to realize how awful it really is to be that person.


Thats a hard desicion if i would want to stay the same or change back. What i would do next?? I would just live life how i always have. =]



acne scar